My brother and sister-in-law have a book blog and I had the opportunity to contribute to it. Check it out here. I've always wanted to be a guest blogger.;) thanks guys.
-Heather
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids
(My friend Christy had this on her blog and it made me laugh.)
11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids
Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!
11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids
Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
We Really Do Bleed Blue
At least we do when we are bitten by vampires
.
.Either that or Jake does strange things while coloring with markers...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Oh the Horror!
I can't believe this. How this cake could be appealing to anyone is beyond me. Corn nuts? Really? You may as well throw in bits from your garbage disposal; cause I don't think anyone will be eating that monstrosity.
.
.Monday, December 27, 2010
Christmas Morning
We had a wonderful Christmas this year. We had the kids draw names and it was fun to take them shopping for their siblings. We all received more than our fair share of presents this year as well. Our favorite gift was a kinect system to go with our Xbox-360 we received last year. I can't even describe how much fun it is. It is so much fun for the whole family. Jake can get up there and do his thing as well as anybody. I'm glad we got this instead of a Wii (We had thought of going with that instead). It is way more fun in my opinion. Thanks Mom and Dad! So,without further adieu, I give you photos of our Christmas morning
.I have to say, our kids have the most self control I have ever seen. They didn't wake until about 8:30 am and then they waited patiently sitting there staring at the gifts while Randy read from Luke the Christmas story. (My parents gave each of the Grand kids pillow pets for Christmas. They absolutely LOVED them.)
.I have to say, our kids have the most self control I have ever seen. They didn't wake until about 8:30 am and then they waited patiently sitting there staring at the gifts while Randy read from Luke the Christmas story. (My parents gave each of the Grand kids pillow pets for Christmas. They absolutely LOVED them.)
Cute Lily
Grandma Bremner gave Lily the Dr Seuss book "There's a Wocket in my Pocket" that came with a stuffed animal 'wocket" she hadn't opened that gift yet in the photo though.
Ty opening a kinect game.
Jake gave Lily a doll accessories kit. She tried it out right away by brushing her baby's teeth.
Santa brought the boys the scooters they have been wanting. I think we will keep these inside, because we have had two scooters stolen in the last year. Aren't the boys adorable though?
Lily got a new baby Corolle doll named Calin. she is still lily's favorite gift.
I got lily a dress up set. she looked so stinking cute. I think it was more for me than for her, but I can say we both had a wonderful time playing dress up. We love to look "pretty."
Jakey
Lily
This is what the room looked like once all the presents were open. I swear it took me two days to get the house back in working condition. Notice the organizer on the bottom right? yeah, that's my new cake decorating organizer. It is SWEET. It's normal to make a cake for new years right? I'm totally planing on it.Thursday, December 23, 2010
Snow Day
Randy and the boys built a super awesome snowman. -On a freezing cold night I might add.
Yes, Jake is in his socks.
Spiderman and Santa. We had quite the debate on who we thought would win if they were ever in a fight.
Can you tell how much she loves her big brother?
cute cute
who knew you could build a snowman and ride your bike on the same day?!?Pretzel Lover
I made these treat bags for our neighbors for Christmas this year. I made cake balls and chocolate covered pretzels and threw in some mini candy canes because the almond roca didn't turn out. 
I had about 2o of these and put them in a box with the Christmas cards we were giving away. I put them under the Christmas tree on Sunday night. On Monday evening I was just finishing bundling the kids up in their coats and boots and asked Randy to grab the box so we could take them to the neighbors. He said "Uh...Heather, do you know what happened to them?" I came into the room to look and found that our sweet little Lily had chomped off the tops of about half of the pretzels! I couldn't believe it. Randy wads laughing so hard as we took out all the partially eaten pretzels and moved the uneaten pretzels around to try and make them even. So, if you received one of these bags and thought it was weird you only got one pretzel, that is why. Don't ask me the reason I put them on the floor where Lily could get them, Randy has asked me the very same thing and I still don't have a better answer than "I have no idea."
I had about 2o of these and put them in a box with the Christmas cards we were giving away. I put them under the Christmas tree on Sunday night. On Monday evening I was just finishing bundling the kids up in their coats and boots and asked Randy to grab the box so we could take them to the neighbors. He said "Uh...Heather, do you know what happened to them?" I came into the room to look and found that our sweet little Lily had chomped off the tops of about half of the pretzels! I couldn't believe it. Randy wads laughing so hard as we took out all the partially eaten pretzels and moved the uneaten pretzels around to try and make them even. So, if you received one of these bags and thought it was weird you only got one pretzel, that is why. Don't ask me the reason I put them on the floor where Lily could get them, Randy has asked me the very same thing and I still don't have a better answer than "I have no idea."Birthday gifts
On Monday morning I was sleeping in my bed when Tyler came into the room and softly shook me awake. He whispered in my ear "Mom, can I please play the piano? I will be really quiet." After All of the presents/toys Tyler received on Sunday, I was really surprised he asked this. I of course obliged.
What is cuter than him in his jammies playing the superman theme song? I had to take pictures.
He did find time after playing the piano to try out his new easel he got from his Grandma and Grandpa Bremner
Luckily it has TWO sides to accommodate two boys who love to fight over the same things.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Happy Birthday Tyler!
I can't believe my little Tyler is SEVEN years old today! Time really does fly by. Seven years ago today I was in active labor for 27 hours before I finally had my very first baby boy. I tried my hardest to have a natural birth, but gave up around hour 25 of labor and got my epidural. I remember holding Ty in the hospital in the middle of the night and as I watched my sweet boy, he opened his little eyes and looked right at me. It melted my heart and I fell even deeper in love with him. I didn't know that my love for him could grow so much more over the years. Tyler is a sweet, smart, caring, obedient boy who wants to do the right thing always. We are so grateful to have in our family. We love you Tyler!
We had a great little get together today with my parents, my little brother Ben, and my Grandma Aird this evening. Here are some of the photos I took
Tyler asked me yesterday if he could have a "General Grievous cake" It was a little daunting, but if that's what my boy wants, I will do my best to make it. Though, making a picture out of frosting is a little bit more difficult than other mediums. It turned out OK I guess. Tyler told me "That is like the most awesome cake ever!" and that made all the work worth it.
Tyler asked me yesterday if he could have a "General Grievous cake" It was a little daunting, but if that's what my boy wants, I will do my best to make it. Though, making a picture out of frosting is a little bit more difficult than other mediums. It turned out OK I guess. Tyler told me "That is like the most awesome cake ever!" and that made all the work worth it.
Tyler with his cake.
While we waited for Grandma and Papa to get here, Tyler posed next to his presents.
Tyler opening presents
Tyler opening presents
One of the MANY gifts he received.
Lily being a goof
Tyler with one of his Bakugauns
My mom gave Tyler a glow in the dark drawing board. He loves it! Happy Birthday Tyler!
My mom gave Tyler a glow in the dark drawing board. He loves it! Happy Birthday Tyler!
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